Had a Dream I Said….
She was absolutely stunning.
The moment I laid eyes on her, I was mesmerized. She had this…glow about her. The second she entered the room, I felt a wave of calm envelope me. She was an unfamiliar face that was inviting all comers; she seemed to welcome the attention, but not crave it. The entire room was captivated by her every move. The simplicity in which she walked; the grace that she exhibited as she brushed her hair behind her ear. She was the kind of woman that every man desired, yet never knew how to put her in words.
Standing five foot seven, with hair that sat lightly in between her shoulder blades, she was a sight to see. I found myself going through my mental checklist of all the things I had envisioned my perfect woman to have, and because of her beauty I ended up adding a few more qualifications that must be met. Intoxicating smile? Check. Statuesque frame? Check. Flawless skin? Ditto.
Trying not to stare, I found that I could not take my eyes off of her. I found a way to move myself closer to where she stood: she was entertaining a group of people by telling them how she got lost on her way to this event. Her voice was smooth and soft, almost hypnotic. When she laughed, it had such earnestness to it that it made you long to say something witty, just to hear it again. I noticed that she placed her hand in a nonchalant manner on the shoulder of a man who was standing next to her as she laughed, and he became flustered. His face flushed, and you can see beads of nervous sweat start to form on his brow. She was oblivious to all of it. To her, that night was just another night for her to go out and enjoy herself. To those of us in her presence, it was a chance to witness the closest definition of perfection possible in a human form.
As I got closer to her, the brightness of her eyes intrigued me. The whites where not the normal whites that you and I have. There were no flaws or imperfections. The whites of her eyes stood out the way a strike of lightening stands out against the backdrop of a black, moonless sky. I noticed in the time that I was looking at her, I had forgotten that I was holding a glass of ginger ale, and the warmth that she exuded seemed to have entered my hands, causing the drink to go from ice cold to room temperature, all within the 5 minutes since she entered my life.
In my mind, I started conjuring up images of us twenty years in the future: in our home, speaking with our child about what colleges she plans to apply for; in our bedroom, recapping the events of our respective day. I pictured us making love, and when we finished, me being brought to tears at the fact that I have not only the most beautiful woman in the world at my side, but also by the fact that the most beautiful woman in the world was in love with me. If there truly is a Heaven, it would be hard-pressed to match up to the visions I had of us.
I listened more to the conversations that she held with this circle of people, and it occurred to me that not only did she possess an endless supply of beauty, but she was intelligent as well. When the conversation turned to politics, she quickly held her own, making points with ease that the others in the group found themselves struggling to comprehend. When the conversation quickly moved to the economy, she seamlessly adjusted to the topic, with no difficulty at all.
While she was listening to someone try and make their point on some topic that I did not care about, she quickly glanced around the room. As she turned to my direction, our eyes locked, and for the briefest moment I was paralyzed. She flashed a large smile at me, and I noticed the same beads of nervous sweat forming on my brow as the gentlemen who was lucky enough to experience her touch. I turned my eyes away from her, afraid of the image I must be giving to her: some lonely guy who is staring at her, while listening to her conversation without adding anything to it. But when I looked back in her direction, she was still confidently smiling at me. I could feel my heart racing at 100 beats per minute. Suddenly my mouth became dry, and I tried to sip the warm ginger ale, but it was like trying to drink sand. As much as I wanted a chance to get to know her, I instantly wanted her to turn away from me, to forget that I was even there. I wished that I could fade into the background – become a face that blended in with the scenery. The intricate simplicity of her beauty (she wore little make up, almost no jewelry save for the simple diamond stud earrings that seemed to be the only objects in the room that could remotely compare to the sensation that was her smile) scared me. The only reason someone like her would even notice someone like me HAD to be because something in me alerted her sense of worry. I immediately felt stupid at the fact that I had maneuvered my way near her, yet I couldn’t pull myself away. It was if she was the strongest magnet the world had ever seen, and I was a measly nickel, powerless in my attempts to resist her. I was stuck.
As she excused herself from the group, she seemed to float from one social group to the next, and upon her arrival the group all of a sudden seemed alive. She would mingle for a minute or two, then move on to the next, taking that energy she brought with her. It was like watching a stagnant town as it gets hit with a tornado of beauty, then return back to its stagnant life as soon as the twister ended. No matter how brief the interaction was, whomever she came across would never be the same once she was gone. For the rest of their lives, when someone mentions beauty, she would be what they equated as the definition.
I stood near the bar now, participating in light hearted banter with a friend of mine. I noticed that my friend had quickly stopped paying attention to our conversation, and it seemed as if they were staring directly through me. This did not bother me; the conversation we were having wasn’t the most intriguing. I went grabbed my ginger ale (a new glass at this point) and went to take a sip, when I heard that soft, smooth voice, almost like it was in my ear. The voice asked the bartender for a glass of water with a slice of lemon dipped in sugar on the side. I was frozen in my tracks. I felt my muscles tense, and I couldn’t speak. In my mind I was wishing that I could become the world’s greatest magician, just so I could make myself disappear.
Behind me, I could hear a soft chuckle, and I knew that she could sense my awkwardness. In her soft voice, she said jokingly, “Don’t worry, I don’t bite…hard.” I still couldn’t bring myself to turn and face her. I was afraid that her beauty would cause me to react in a childish way, so I continued to keep my back to her, as if that was the adult thing to do. She placed her hand on my shoulder lightly, and again I felt that wave of calm rush over me. “You know, its not against the law for you to turn around, and possibly have a conversation with me,” she said. “I’ve seen you glance at me a couple times tonight. Is there something that you want to say to me?”
Slowly, I turned around, and our eyes locked once again. In my mind, there were myriad of things that I wanted to say, yet none of them could find the path to my mouth to be spoken. I felt a nervous smile spread across my face, and instinctively my eyes shot to the top of my shoes. Her hand never left my shoulder, and it was then that I noticed the scent of her skin: it was lilac. Quickly I imagined us together in an open field, just walking. No words are being exchanged, and no one else is there with us; it was just us, enjoying each other’s company. Suddenly speaking didn’t seem so hard.
Confidently, I brought my head back up, so that my gaze could meet hers. I grabbed her hand from my shoulder, squeezed it between my two hands, and suddenly that nervous smile became one of assurance. I began to speak. “Well, I….”
It was all over. As quickly as it began, the moment was over. Confused, I looked around, only to find that it was all a dream. I was in my bedroom, clutching my pillow, awakened by the sound of my morning alarm buzzing in my ear. She was just a dream. The entire moment was all a figment of my imagination.
I lay there, motionless for five minutes, before finally willing myself out of bed. The disappointment was intense, but the curiosity reigned supreme. What was I going to tell her? Who was she? What was her name? Why did she feel the need to speak to me, as opposed to the other people there that night?
As I prepared myself for my day, I got the answer to each of the questions I had asked myself. The answer was simple….painful. I would never know.
