Dreams
Vivid dreams are always the hardest ones to forget about. When they feel so realistic that, when you wake up, you question if they really happened, they tend to leave a lasting impression. I had one of those last night.
Desiree Garcia. Anyone who REALLY knows me, knows who she is and what she meant to me. My first true love. And I ran away from her. Twice. I wont go into details about our relationship, but I can just say that, up until recently, she was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and the worst thing I could have done to myself.
In my dream last night, I went over to her house, randomly, to pick up some stuff that I had left there. When I showed up, there was a full house there. Her family (father particularly) wasn’t too happy to see me. She told them to let me come in. I said hello to everyone, told them that I wasn’t there to cause a ruckus or anything, just to pick up some stuff. When I walked in, she was there with another guy, who I figured was her current boyfriend. It didn’t bother me; I had expected her to had moved on to someone who could have treated her the way she deserved. I introduced myself to him, shook his hand, and he said, “Fuck you.” It kind of threw me off. I asked her what exactly she had told him about me, considering that I never actually did her wrong; never cheated, lied, or anything….just couldn’t be the man that I knew she deserved. Then she tells me….the entire time we were together (the first time was for a year and a half, the second was for about six months), she was also with him.
I was dumbfounded. The one person that, I would have never thought would do something like that, had cheated on me. I couldn’t help but feel….lost. I didn’t say anything, considering that we were no longer together, and her entire family was there. Instead, I just grabbed my things, said my goodbyes, and left.
I woke up after that. It was about 6:30am. I looked to my right, and saw Amanda lying next to me. i got up, kissed her forehead (so that I wouldn’t wake her), and went downstairs. For the next couple of hours, all I could think about was that dream. It dominated my thoughts. It made me wonder: how come, each time we stopped talking, did she not even put up a fight. If she loved me like she said that she did, why wasn’t there even a ‘why’ when it happened? I didn’t expect her to beg me to stay, but there should have at least been some type of questioning. Now, I have no desire to be back with her; I am more than happy where I am now. It’s just hard to forget about someone who you shared everything with, and who taught you how to love. I have a constant reminder of her whenever I look at my left forearm, and it sucks to think that she has a reminder of me on her right forearm.
I haven’t spoken to her since March of this year. She and I have NO mutual friends. Yet, whenever I log into Facebook, at least three times a week, she is under my “Suggested Friends” area. I have no idea how or why she shows up. Maybe its a sign; maybe I’m just reading too much into something that I shouldn’t. I dont know. Maybe I shouldn’t even dwell on this stuff. But part of me can’t let things like this go.
